from now on my penis is your penis
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
