you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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