I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
