I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
