so that wasnt chicken after all
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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