im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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