I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize