Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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