sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
