I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
tell me about the fingering
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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