dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the day after is always just damage control
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
