just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
