good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
