i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
