Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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