At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
