I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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