yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
