yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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