The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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