I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
