I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
