im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
