I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
