Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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