My sheets look like a crime scene.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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