His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
