names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
