I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize