My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
