he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
