He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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