Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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