it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
