Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
