Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize