And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
