My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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