Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
