He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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