i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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