Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize