So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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