he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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