apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
