Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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