i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I did not marry a roomba.
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