hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i would one night stand the shit outta him
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
