u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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