What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
