He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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