Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
