sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
