I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
