I am midnight drunk by noon
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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