Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
