I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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