I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
