I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
