I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
