Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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