It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
