I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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