You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
