exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
