Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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