this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
