I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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