Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
