please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
