roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
