The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
