she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
