Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
