I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
