sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
