Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
