In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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