The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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