he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
