What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she smelled like a LAN party
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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