she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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