nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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