My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
