We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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