Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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