It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
