I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My feet surprised me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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