She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
