New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
